THE YEAR THAT WAS.

As it is with every year, 2014 had its peak and pit moments. Sitting on my couch with a hot cup of Milo, some homemade banana cake, just having tucked Kamau in bed after our bedtime story (Puppy Woof-Woof) I reflect on everything I have to be grateful for. The best thing about anything new; whether a new notebook, a new day, any new chance is the hope that we have a fresh start. The possibility that you can leave the old (particularly the negatives- hopefully having learned from them) and embrace the new. It is in this light that I focus on all the beautiful moments of the past year and look forward to an even better year.

2014 saw us find out that we had been blessed with the opportunity to be parents to another little angel. The excitement of learning that we will be having a little girl lives with us each day and we all cannot wait to meet her. Every week that goes by is a blessing and even now as I count down twenty seven days to my EDD, I thank God for the role he has charged me with in this miracle.

I go through her baby clothes and imagine her in cute items such as this 🙂

This was the year that saw Kamau get off dependency on us to put him to bed and also the year where we completely went off diapers. W,e definitely, watched Kamau have a growth spurt this year. I say, “growth spurt” because suddenly he could use words like, “awesome” and “really” in their correct context and write! I mean, that little boy I gave birth to the other day can now keep me company (conversation-wise) on a car ride and can write 1 to 5 and a couple of letters. We have homework every week and holiday homework over any school breaks. It’s wonderful watching him grow into himself. He will excitedly inform us how he is “loading (downloading)” a Ben 10 game on one of our gadgets and will explain what’s happening on one of his shows. Matilda is his car and he only lets daddy drive her because he is only fwee (three) and is still not allowed to drive. His words. He is Kamau Mugeke from Murang’a. Ask him; he will tell you so 🙂

Our first Christmas at home saw us put up a Christmas Tree for the very first time since we moved to Karen (going on four years now). I know, unbelievable. It was special because it became a family project and Kamau was as involved as R and I were and I am proud of our first Christmas Tree. We tried to make being home super special as I couldn’t travel and we had Christmas gifts under the trees (in ours and Patty’s house) that the kids got to open on Christmas morning. We prepared a high calorie Christmas breakfast and had a wonderful family day. A new Christmas tradition- we have agreed- and I am already looking forward to the next.

I am not one to prepare a list of resolutions, but I do have a prayer to go along with my goals for the new year. I pray for a safe (and easy) delivery and that our little angel is healthy. I pray that I am a better partner to R this year. I pray that I am the best mother to my babies that I can be and that I find ways to be as involved in their lives as possible. I pray that every lesson I learned about being a homemaker in the past year makes me a better one this year. I pray that I am able to meet the career goals I have set for the new year and more so for the spirit to keep pushing to make my dreams come true.

I have a whole lot to be grateful for and so much to look forward to. My very first goal for 2015 will be to find a new name for my blog and I also hope that this will be the beginning of a whole new journey for us. I appreciate each one of you that visits this space and reads what I share. My followers, while still a humble few, have doubled this year and I am beyond grateful for that. I write, four years later, because of that occasional email I receive from a visitor that says that something I shared helped her in her journey as a mother or mother-to-be. It is that occasional email that gives me the morale to keep sharing.

I can hear the fireworks. Happy New Year! It’s time to wake Kamau for his nightly bathroom visit and tonight I get to tuck him back in bed with a special kiss. Another year with my beautiful family. How I pray for health and happiness for each one of us and a year that makes our bond even stronger.

Here’s to 2015. I wish you and yours joy, success and, above all, love.

xoxo!

 

 

 

 

 

 

JINGLE BELL ROCK!

Kamau and Natalie (…his dance partner Chelsea is in the background 🙂 )

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock,
Jingle bells chime in jingle bell time
Snowing and blowing in bushels of fun
Now the jingle hop has begun

Kamau had been humming this Carol for about a month leading to the 1st of December when parents were invited to join Nairobi Academy‘s Pre-prep school for their annual Christmas assembly. A newsletter asking that we send our little boy with a white shirt, black slacks, suspenders and a red bow tie followed a little after. He would hum different Christmas Carols and do a little dance even if he couldn’t remember all the words and we knew preparations were underway. I couldn’t wait to attend the assembly. See, Kamau is now at that adorable stage where he will sing songs- with actual words, when he can remember them- as he goes about his business. You can always tell when he walks into the house because he will be humming or singing all the way up the stairs. I love asking him what song they learned in school as he will sing it for us. I remember my parents would have us stand in front of that cabinet that existed in every household- you know, the one that held the television and your mom’s “special occasion” plates and cups- and ask us to perform a song we’d learned in school. I now understand why that seemed to make them as happy as it did.

The PP2 Pink and PP2 Green children rocked to Jingle Bell Rock! It was beautiful to watch and being the pregnant, hormonal woman that I have become, it took great will power not to cry. Kamau spotted R in the crowd as he recorded his performance and waved and he and Chelsea paired up and began their little waltz. The cutest part was that he was required to help her do a twirl and they executed it perfectly every time! Imagine little people- boys in suspenders and red bow ties and girls in beautiful, red dresses- waltzing and trying to keep to the rhythm. It was a beautiful performance and I was as proud as every other parent in the room with me. We have come a long way since his first stage performance and it is just beautiful to note how much he has grown as a person.

Speaking of growth, the Friday before the assembly, had presented R and I with an opportunity to have a sit down with Ms. Michira- Kamau’s class teacher. She’s a lovely lady and I’d been looking forward to meeting her. She took us through Kamau’s classwork and gave us an insight into the Kamau that she interacts with every day. She explained that one of the things she has noted about him is that he requires a patient hand as pushing him to do any particular thing only causes him to shut down. She was able to put her point across by showing us the differences in an activity he “was into” versus one he wasn’t. Change in mood depicted through resulting handwriting or colouring. I appreciated that she has noted this as it’s something that comes out each weekend as we do our assignment. It’s one of those things that you worry about as a parent and I, especially, appreciated when she said that she will let him be for a while once he gets this way, then sit with him e.g over break until the activity in question is completed. This way, she explained, you did not push the child yet you were able to put across to them that rules are important and an activity must- at the end of it all- be completed. A lesson I will, definitely, be using for our assignments. Another, very interesting, lesson I learned is that children also show growth in their depiction of the human body. Did you know that, Blogiary? The pictures begin with a VERY large head with tiny sticks on the side (hands) and bottom (legs). This, despite proportions, means they understand that the body sprouts from the head. As the child matures (progression of the term), the head gets smaller and smaller in size and the child adds a body under the head and the hands and legs respectively. This progresses until they add a neck between the head and the body. I found this fascinating, having never really thought of it as another measure of a child’s progress.

We learned quite a bit about Kamau in general- including his relation with other children and the teachers and his friends’ parents. Ms. Michira told us that Kamau gives everyone a hug each morning and is very open and friendly. It gives you a warm, fuzzy feeling when you hear that your little person is a bubble of warmth. She also gave us a few ideas on activities we can use to keep him busy- asking that we do bead work with him as it helps improve concentration. We also promised to help her enforce the importance of apologizing once he does wrong by his classmates. Kamau will, apparently, cry when he knows he is on the wrong and due for some time on the “blue chair” which is their “naughty chair” and we’re working on accepting the mistake, facing consequences and apologizing.

Christmas is upon us. It’s been in the air since the Christmas assembly and last week on Friday, Santa visited the Pre-prep children and delivered gifts. There is a board in Kamau’s class where the children had- with their teacher’s help- written what they wanted Santa to bring them. Kamau had asked for Ben 10 shoes 🙂 Santa delivered and an excited Kamau will not be separated from his shoes. We have began decorating our Christmas tree and I love how involved Kamau is in the project. I keep seeing beautiful trees and coming up with different ideas of the end result for ours. I can’t wait to see what it looks like when we’re done.

What a bright time, it’s the right time

Jingle bell time is a swell time.

xoxo!

REDISCOVERING KAMAU!

Happy New Year!

2013 ended beautifully for Kamau and I and not just because we had a beautiful holiday in Zanzibar, but because we spent quality time together- something I feel we needed and which helped us learn quite a bit about each other (I’d like to believe my little, cheeky boy learned a little something about me as I sure learned quite a bit about him). We bonded, got angry at each other, fought, made up, tested each others patience, the whole shebang. I wouldn’t change a thing about our two weeks together and I am truly grateful that we had that time.

It began on Sunday, the 22nd of December when we left for Zanzibar. It was the first time we’d gone on holiday without Cate. I was nervous, worried and a little terrified that the vacation would turn out to be more work than rest. I’d learned a couple of lessons from the previous year about flying with Kamau and was determined to do it right this time. I packed enough snacks just in case we had any flight delays- as had been the case the previous year- plus choice of activities so as to keep him busy while on the flight and avoid him getting restless and cranky. The truth is, Blogiary, that Kamau has really matured and I think a chunk of this is owed to his time in school and of course to his advancement in age. He was excited and kept saying that he wants to go to “Nambibar” and I was pretty excited to show him the beautiful ocean when we could first glance it a few minutes after the pilot announced our oncoming descent into the island. The first night was pretty easy with the kids (Lisa and Olivia were there too) happy to have access to their very own pool and the cartoon channel and, I suppose, the other thing kids love about the holidays, a late night.

The most difficult thing, in truth, about not having a nanny with me when we’re on holiday is feeding time. I’d be lying if I said this was any different during our one week getaway. I learned, mostly from input by R, that I get impatient with Kamau which in turn leads to frustration which then leads to an upset Kamau and an incomplete meal. I discovered that if Mau and I were up before Lisa and Olivia, then he could have his breakfast with minimal distraction. The girls running around would mean Kamau running around so we’d get up about an hour earlier and I’d at least have the comfort of knowing that he had a good breakfast. I also encouraged snacking in between meals as this would help me feel better if he didn’t do lunch so well. Cookies, flavoured milk and sausages suddenly turned into my bosom buddies. Meal times aside, we had a wonderful time in Zanzibar. The beautiful thing about having three moms on a trip is that we would take turns watching the kids which meant that there was a mommy taking a break at any one time. I got some time to laze away, read a book and just relax and I would have never believed this possible without a nanny.

Mommy and baby bonding time.

We got back back to Nairobi and I was determined to have Kamau regain any weight he may have lost during the week away. Mwangi was pretty concerned that I hadn’t done a very good job of feeding the little tyke and sometimes, dear mommies, hard as it may be to take in input by your partner (especially when you feel like it’s judgement/criticism), bear in mind he’s the child’s father and allowed an opinion and has a right to assert himself. It’s tough sometimes, but I truly appreciate that I have a person that’s concerned enough to put his foot down about matters concerning Kamau. I got us back on our 2-hour schedule i.e. where we have a meal every two hours. Interestingly on one morning when I was feeding the boy his breakfast, after a couple of bites he looked at me and while shaking his hand at me said, “no! Stop it! It’s for Caty!” I took that as him communicating that feeding him is Cate’s area of expertise and I took that as a challenge. I wanted Kamau to know that mommy can do everything Cate can do and so much better cos mommy is doing it with so much love. I don’t know if he got tired of fighting me or if the realisation that mommy wasn’t going back to work just yet dawned on him, but our meal-time relationship changed; he turned receptive and feeding him became a lot easier. We got into a good program; wake up, prepare breakfast (except on New Year’s when R woke up, asked me to sleep in and made us breakfast. A beautiful gesture, Love.), have breakfast, clean up, do house chores (both my girls were not around so house chores were also up to me), et cetera. I was there for every meal, I ran around with him, I was there at every bath time-Patty and I invented a fun bubble bath time for him and Lisa to make things more interesting- and I was there to put him to bed each night (on most nights he fell asleep watching his shows as we had done away with daytime naps. Truthfully, I erased this to tire him out so that by evening he’d be tired enough to fall asleep after dinner). He was there to help cut up tomatoes and carrots as we prepared dinner and insisted on helping with the dishes as Lisa helped out. I was tired, but I really felt like I was being a mom. Does that make any sense?

I learned a few things about Kamau. For some strange reason, the boy likes to run around in his underwear and on a couple of occasions I had to pinch him to get him to get dressed. I also learned that I am definitely not beyond spanking my child (I’m sitting back and waiting for the debate to begin on this one). Kamau would intentionally do something he wouldn’t ordinarily do around his father and then would stand back and wait for my reaction. I’m not making this up. He has a grin he wears as he watches me get worked up and I learned that the more I shout at him, the bigger the grin gets and discovered that he will push my buttons to test my limits. It occurred to me that he has clearly decided his father is the disciplinarian and I’m the easy target. I don’t want to be those mothers that can only discipline their children through a telephone call to their father. Thus, during our time together, Kamau learned that mommy can be assertive too. The other thing that really impressed me during our time together is his vocabulary and how much it has grown! I had a tooth extracted just before New Years (worst move ever! Don’t ever see a dentist before a big holiday; they’ll mess it up for you!) and I was chewing on garlic to ease the pain and made a face due to the bitter taste and I ran to the bathroom to spit it out. Kamau ran after me and stood at the door and with his hands and a questioning look on his face asked me, “mommy! What happened?” I will never forget how that question made me feel and how impressed I was that he used the phrase!

Cheeky Kamau.

I feel like I have rediscovered Kamau- like he has become this little person that has completely developed his own personality and the two weeks we spent together gave me a peek into his world. I spent six months with him when he was born, before going back to work, and felt like I really knew him then, but he is a whole other person now and I am getting to know him all over again. I vowed to myself that I will try and be more involved because that two week window only made me realise that you only have one chance with a child that’s learning how to walk and talk; a child that’s growing. Like R always tells me, children only grow up once. You cannot lose those years and then think it will be OK and you’ll have time with them later. Thing is, I will never have 2-year old Kamau again; this is my time with him, to learn and cherish the moments we have now and build on those for the Kamau that is to come. A very wise lady (shout out to you Lucy Mbugua) told me that the beautiful relationship you have with your teenagers isn’t developed when they are in their teens; it’s cultivated from birth to their toddler age and throughout your child’s life.

Here’s to watching Kamau blossom in 2014!

xoxo!

SANTA PULLED ONE OVER US!

It began with a note that informed us that Mr. Claus would be making an appearance at Pre Prep centre’s Christmas party. The note asked that we send something special to school- a gift, wrapped, so that Santa would have something to give to the kids. Mwangi and I made arrangements for this and I walked to Biashara street in search of a fitting gift for Kamau. I came across a shop that had brilliant toys and, the best part, a bargain where they have a 10% discount on everything til the end of the festive season. I found the perfect gift and I excitedly informed Mwangi, who was- at the time- in Paris, that I’d found the ultimate Christmas gift for our little person. I bought wrapping paper and did the wrapping myself at home, labelling it accordingly and I had Cate drop the gift off in school.

Fast forward to last week Friday- the 6th of December. I couldn’t wait to get home and see if Kamau had liked his present. I was so eager to find out, in fact, that I called home at 1pm to ask Cate what his reaction had been when they’d gotten past the wrapping paper. She informed me how excited he was, citing that he was actually playing with it as we spoke and she passed the phone to him.

“Hi mommy!” In a high pitched tone that exuded excitement.

“Hi baby! How are you?”

“I fine.”

“What are you doing?”

“It playing with Sarah. It car!” This followed by a bunch of other words I couldn’t quite make out.

“OK, baby. I will see you later. Bye.”

“Bye!”

“I love you.”

“Ove you.”

With that, Blogiary, I concluded that Kamau was happy with what we’d gotten him for Christmas.

Fire Rescue: Putting together Kamau’s gift.

Patty and I arrived home to an excited Lisa and a rather moody Kamau. I gathered that he hadn’t napped and hence was a bit broody, but also suspected that he may have been coming down with the flu. I tried to get him to play with me but he wasn’t really into it and I soon gave up. I asked him if he’d liked the gift baba and I had gotten him and that’s when I learned that Santa was taking all the credit and there wasn’t anything I was going to do about it. Lisa asked me why I was lying to Kamau that Mwangi and I had bought him his gift when it was Santa that brought him the gift. I had been put on the spot, Blogiary. Caught with my pants down as they would say and as she stared at me- as if trying to stare me down- I felt what I imagine suspects feel when in an interrogation room with a fierce-looking cop staring at them. I mumbled something about being a bit confused and told her that I meant to ask if Kamau had liked the gift Santa bought him. She berated me and told me that Santa bought all the kids gifts and I shouldn’t tell Kamau it was me when it wasn’t true. “Lying is bad, Talale.”

Well, what do you say to that except apologise to a six year old that figures you’re trying to steal Santa’s thunder? I imagine Kamau didn’t quite understand what was going on, but you know what, Blogiary, I love that should anyone try to infringe on his rights, even when he’s completely incredulous to that fact, there’s a person that will not let you get away with it. I absolutely love that about Lisa. My father once told me, during a visit to my parents house, that nothing can happen to Kamau when Lisa is in the vicinity. He said that she jumps to his every defense and will demand to know why anyone is upsetting “her baby.” During the Progress Report meeting, Lisa’s class teacher asked Patty who Kamau is to Lisa because she will not settle in class after play time until she has walked Kamau to his class and ensured that he is seated. How beautiful is that, Blogiary? Doesn’t it just turn your insides into mush?

I thought about the difference between us as we were growing up and the children we’re raising after that conversation I had with Lisa (or should I say the lecture I received). When I was growing up, Santa was not a real person. He was a guy I read about in books and watched on movies such as Home Alone. It seems, however, that more and more we are getting “Westernised” with Santa Claus making appearances at our malls and kids queuing to sit on his lap and whisper what they want for Christmas. Soon, we may just start having Santa come down our chimneys or perhaps through windows. See, I’m not quite sure how I feel about that to be honest. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against Santa and it’s wonderful that little children can completely believe in a person who brings them great joy each year. The thing is, I feel that this is not really the African way of celebrating Christmas. It feels like we’re slowly adopting a foreign version of the holiday. Christmas, for us, was a huge family reunion with mbuzi choma and chapati and running around with cousins that you most likely only got to see once a year. It seems that isn’t so any more and I can’t help but wonder if at some point we will adopt holidays like Thanksgiving and perhaps even have Black Friday! I have nothing against these things, I just worry we are taking up Western culture more and more yet we are not Westerners. We are Africans. I am that mother that wants to raise a child that loves and accepts who he and where he is from. A child that is proud of his identity and who understands that being African isn’t any less than being whatever else there is and he shouldn’t feel the need to conform. This is one of the reasons why we did not give Kamau an English name. The fact that people still ask me what my son’s “Christian” name is is precisely my point. You are not a christian because you wear “Elizabeth” or “Richard” before your African name. Kamau was baptised “Kamau” and that, for anyone that wants to ask, is his “christian” name. When we attended the Pre Prep Christmas assembly last week, I noted that they didn’t only celebrate a Christmas theme based on Jingle Bells and Santa Claus. We had a traditional African dance in celebration of an African Christmas and had an Indian dance to celebrate an Indian Christmas. I thought this was wonderful seeing as Nairobi Academy has children from various cultures and celebrating each of them is a really good lesson to the children.

I’m not saying that I will up and tell Kamau that he shouldn’t believe in Santa bringing him that gift he really wishes for each year. No. I’m just saying that even in a world where we seem to be embracing Western culture more and more, we want to raise a child that understands and loves HIS culture and celebrates it. A child that will not shun who he is to be something he is not. A child that is confident in his own skin. A weighted discussion for a time of year when we should be a merry and bright, I know, but my thoughts nonetheless.

Have a very Merry Christmas everyone.

xoxo!

PROGRESS REPORT!

Friday the 15th of November was an interesting day at Nairobi Academy’s Pre-Prep centre; while the kids stayed home, we (the parents) were required to be in school. The reason? Progress reports on our children. Our appointment with Ms. Constance was scheduled for 10.40 am and by a few minutes to 11 am, Mwangi and I were sitting inside the little class, surrounded by little things meant for little people. We were spared from sitting in the little chairs- thankfully- sitting instead at Ms. Constance’s desk on adult chairs.

She opened by saying that Kamau is, “cheeky and becoming a little naughty” smiling as she said this. To be honest, I smiled. Happily. I don’t know if you’re supposed to be alarmed when your child’s teacher calls him “cheeky and a little naughty,” but the moment she used the two adjectives, I pictured my Kamau with his grin and, “I don’t want to eat” and that about sounded like him. A sense of fondness and love came over me. I know. Strange sensations given the words used to describe my son, but two year old boys are supposed to be a little naughty, no? Ms. Constance went on to explain that the two traits are proof that his character is developing and she went on to cite that he has greatly improved since first joining the PP1 class in May. She laughed here and there as she explained that he is chatty and will initiate conversation with his classmates during class work and that when he isn’t talking, he will be humming or singing to himself. I loved that she spoke warmly about Kamau and not irritably as if to suggest that he is a bother and had Kamau been present during this evaluation, I would have high fived him out of pride. In my opinion, Blogiary, as much as you’d like to sit me down and perhaps tell me that I shouldn’t be so excited about having a “cheeky and naughty” son is that these descriptions of him sound like those of a happy little person that is enjoying being in school. She also told us that he enjoys music class and loves to sing and I described how he will sometimes try to teach me a song, not recalling the words but emphatically demonstrating how the song goes using hand gestures.

Next up was an overview of Kamau’s school work, beginning with his “Scribbling” book. Ms. Constance explained that scribbling is very important as in addition to helping children learn how to hold their writing tool correctly (she named the “mickey mouse technique”), said scribbling also brings out the child’s development. They start out scribbling all over the place and then slowly begin to draw circles. I thought this was amazingly interesting because the teacher isn’t asking the kids to draw the circles- they just develop from random scribbling to drawing a circle here and there to drawing two circles and I noticed, when I gave Kamau a pen and writing pad at home, that he can draw intertwined circles. Sure enough, at the start of the term his file has page after page of all over the place scribbling and then as we moved on there were circles amid the scribbling. Kamau’s “Colouring” file also brought out his progress in colouring. At the beginning, the colour was faint and very sketchy (as if he was scribbling) but with time the colouring grew more intense and more defined with attempts at colouring within the lines. His “Cut and Stick” book which the teacher said was a, “reflection of what he was thinking about that particular day” opened with a magazine cutting of horses. Mwangi asked Ms. Constance if she had a date for when he stuck that one perhaps wondering if it might have been after Kamau’s first horse ride experience a few months ago at the Aberdare Country Club. She didn’t have a date, unfortunately. I was really curious about that as well. There were a couple of pictures of babies and that made me wonder what he might have been thinking about when picking those particular pictures. His teacher had explained that for that particular exercise, the cut out pictures would be placed on the table and the kids would pick what most appealed to them. The other thing that really impressed me about that book was Ms. Consance telling us that Kamau now makes sure that his pictures are perfectly straight when he sticks them and will redo one that he thinks is not straight until he feels it is perfect. The last book, another that I wish Mau would explain to me, was his “Weekend” book where they are supposed to describe, through drawing, what they did over the weekend. It had drawings of things that Ms. Constance told us were interpretations of what had stood out to him. None of them were objects you could make out, but Ms. Constance told us they encourage them when they draw as in his mind the drawings make sense and he interprets them as best as he can.

She closed by telling us that Kamau has really grown into himself and that his true personality is now developing and that it is always a joy to watch the little children in their care develop from when they first met them. She laughed when describing the fights they have every Monday when it’s time for his swimming class saying that he will cry and put up a fight before getting into the water, but then ends up having a jolly good time and not wanting to leave. When Mwangi asked if there are any particular toys we can buy to aide in his development, Ms. Constance said that Kamau is fine and progressing as he should adding that we must refrain from putting so much pressure on him to be a certain way. She said that sometimes parents mould their children into what they want them to be, failing to give them room to be their own selves and told us to give him space to be his own person. I thought that was some really good counsel.

Our take-home assignment was to tell Kamau, each day, what colours he is dressed in as Ms. Constance said they are learning colours and the boys are having a more difficult time- than the girls- learning their colours (this, apparently, is normal). We started it on Saturday and yesterday I heard Kamau ask Cate, “this is colour?” and I smiled to myself 🙂 He has now learned how to say his name, “Kamau” and is slowly learning “Mugeke (which he pronounces “Geke”). We’re making progress and when I look at him struggling to put on his socks or grin as he pees, I can hardly believe that he’s the same little, wriggly person my mom placed in arms that Wednesday afternoon in 2011.

PS: Christmas is upon us. Here’s Kamau’s Santa 🙂

xoxo!