RAISING A PRESCHOOLER WHILE PREGNANT.

I  think one of the first things that goes through your mind, once the reality of being expectant again hits you, is the (additional) work that lies ahead of you. Don’t get me wrong; it’s exciting expecting an addition to the family, but it also means work. If you have gone past the night time feeds and diaper changes, it means preparing to return to that. I suppose what I wasn’t quite prepared for is that it’s another challenge, altogether, when your expecting while keeping up with your energetic preschooler.

At three, Kamau is a bundle of energy around the house! He wants to wear shoes that will enable him run, “faster! faster!” He wants to try out everything- from frying eggs with mommy to playing Emergency Services where we are supposed to play patient and ambulance driver-cum-medic in turns. He wants to show me that he can somersault and wants us to bounce on his bed for, “only five minutes” just before we read our bedtime story. I love getting home to our little bundle of energy but more and more, and the rounder I get, it’s becoming difficult to keep up with him.

I am up by 5.40 am every morning. I use “by” because my alarm goes off at 5.15 but getting out of bed is a real struggle. I snooze my alarm and promise myself that I will comb my hair faster and forego eyeliner, just to justify the extra five minutes of sleep. I sit in traffic for about two hours on my way to the office and for another hour and a half when I leave the office at 6 pm. By the time I get home, I just want to sit in front of the TV and fall asleep. Instead, an excited Kamau welcomes me home and I can see him waving from the Family room window as I park my car and I feel my heart well up with love and excitement and I cannot wait to hug him and hear about his day 🙂 Lately, the games are between him and R and I will sit in the room (if I can stand to watch them play- they get a bit rough sometimes) and participate by smiling or cheering them on. We will then go through how his day was with a little help from the comments in his school diary. At 8 pm, we say goodnight to baba and we have what has become our new bonding activity- story time. It is the only time he will sit still, ask me if the baby is awake and even attempt to get her to move around, and I get my opportunity to sneak a kiss.

Yes (in a Mary Alice Young– Desperate Housewives– voice). It is not easy to keep up with my preschooler as I navigate around with my burgeoning belly, but you know what I tell myself each day? Being pregnant doesn’t make me any less Kamau’s mother. While I may want to be very careful so he doesn’t accidentally hit my belly, and while I may not be able to do some of the things we would do before, spending time with him and showing him that I am very interested in those little things that excite him is still my job. I look at it as learning how to juggle two babies. Kamau will need just as much attention when baby comes as he doesn’t stop being my baby when his sister is born. I also look at it as showing him he is just as important as she is as opposed to him thinking that mommy only cares about her “new” baby. I talk to him about it a lot because sometimes he will refer to her as my baby and I keep telling him she is OUR baby so he learns to understand she is as much his as she is mine and his daddy’s.

I don’t have a “How-To” manual on how to go through pregnancy while raising a toddler or preschooler, and in some cases even more than one, but I think the most important thing is to remember to enjoy both experiences. Our Kamau will never be three again so I need to enjoy this stage he is at now as I enjoy growing our little girl in my womb. Here’s to all you mommas raising little ones as you go through pregnancy.

xoxo!

PLAYING MANAGER!

My dream is to be the perfect homemaker. A Bree Van De Camp type who can maintain a beautiful lawn and bake cookies for every new member of the neighbourhood as she replaces the wall paper in her house. Unfortunately, I have struggled to strike a balance between being employee of the year and being the perfect wife, mother and homemaker. Perfect is a strong term, I know, but didn’t that Primary School teacher constantly tell us to aim for the moon so that it we missed it we’d land among the stars? It’s one of those things you silently battle with, quietly celebrating small victories (such as realising that your new house help finally rearranged the kitchen cabinets into a more practical format as you’ve been meaning to do it but keep pushing it down on your to-do list) and praying that your shortcomings are not so terrible that they make the members of your household wish they had a Rosie. You know, that robot on The Jetsons show that would do the housework (and some of the parenting).

No occupation in this world is more trying to soul and body than the care of young children. What patience and wisdom, skill and unlimited love it calls for. God gave the work to mothers and furnished them for it, and they cannot shirk it and be guiltless.

I am that woman that is happy to throw on her corporate climbing slip-ons each morning and battle traffic because I love what I do and hope that when I am fifty and retiring I can look back and say that I built a career. I am also that woman that wants to look back and say that she greeted her husband and children with a smile every evening (I may not greet them at the door warm cookies in hand as they trot into the house, but greet them nonetheless) and gave them a beautiful home to come to each day because, even in my absence, things were properly done. As Isabella Alden said (quote above) of women not being guiltless should they shirk their responsibility to take care of children, I am also determined to find a balance between my roles as a homemaker and a career professional. I have realised that I am not happy unless I feel I am giving both my utmost attention. Therein lies the challenge. It’s been a bumpy ride for me but with support (and A LOT of patience) from R coupled with great advise from my mother, I am confident there is hope for me yet!

I have decided that what I need to do is take up the role of being a manager.

One of my goals for 2014 was to be a better homemaker mostly because I often feel that I concentrate on my life as an employee and slack off on my roles at home. I have been reading everything from working mom blogs/forums to inspirational quotes to Pinterest (I am so addicted to the homemaking Pinboards) and I resolved that I need to up my game as a manager. If I am not going to be in the house 24/7 and we have employed people to fill this gap, then it only makes sense for me to strictly manage them and ensure that they are playing their roles effectively as otherwise I am failing my family. Everything is easy in theory and the hard work is in its implementation and seeing it through. I have changed the help in my house about three other times since I last wrote about a Change of Guard here, two months ago (yes, it has been that difficult to find the right fit) and I only now feel like we are beginning to settle down and the running of the house is beginning to return to normalcy. I think any woman will tell you that drama with the help in her house will take a toll on you. I went through a week where I seriously felt overwhelmed and thought I was going into depression (OK. A bit thespian, but I really felt bogged down).

I have started drawing up charts. Everything from daily chore lists to meal charts to little notes that remind me of things I need done or need to do. I have the worst memory and I don’t know if it’s something I should be concerned about but I will forget anything and everything, regardless of how important and I have reminders for every task on my phone (thank God for mobile phone planners or my kitchen would resemble Mary Jane’s, from Being Mary Jane, headboard and bathroom). If I don’t write it down, I will most likely not remember to do it or have it done. This has helped me become a bit more effective, I’d say, particularly because when you have things written then you also have a checklist when going around the house to make sure everything was done as asked. I am actually going a step further and getting a file so I can keep track of progress. I have decided I will not keep complaining about a particular duty over and over and these records help me keep track of “problem areas.” Coco Chanel did say that gentleness doesn’t get work done unless you happen to be a hen laying eggs and I am tired of walking on egg shells around my help at the expense of my home (told you I was serious about this manager thing).

You know what else I have decided in my quest to be the perfect homemaker, Blogiary; that I will love and enjoy being the woman of the house. I mentioned loving my job a few paragraphs back and I figure I am pretty good at it and I think one of the ways in which we’re good at what we do is because we have found joy in it. I have decided the same goes with my role as a homemaker. I will live and love this role and work really hard at it. I have learned through experience that it is no easy accomplishment but I will keep trying and coming up with new ways to be better at being Wangari, the homemaker.

xoxo!